I have been wanting to write this post for a very long time now, as usual it has been on the back of mind but usually never got to it. It's taken me until now being slightly bed-ridden for me to do this (due to my allergies from work yesterday) So much has happened in my life since the last time I've blogged last summer. Although it is always on my mind to blog, it is one of my many goals this year to make this a habit (refer to the "2018's 18 New Year Goals" later in the blog.) and allow myself to let everything out. I feel that I always have so much to say and haven't been good at giving myself the permission to let it out and instead becomes blocked and manifests itself into physical energies (like being irritated or moody.) This has also been one of my goals for self love + care is to finally allow myself to find a way to find an avenue to use all of my beings as an inspiration and a driving force to simply create. At this point, I think I've just rambled and rambled (and that's ok as I am doing this in the form of a free-flow, free-write thanks to my amazing mentor Dr. Jessica Dellecave.) Let's get this post going shall we!
TOP 10 HIGHLIGHTS/LESSONS LEARNED FROM 2017 (not in any order)
- CSU SUMMER ARTS 2017 - had the chance to work w/ two influential dance companies (Urban Bush Women and Contra-Tiemp Urban Latin Dance Theater) and met some of the best friends I have now. This experience will always hold true and have a special place in my heart. Shoutout to my mentor Leslie Seiters of SDSU Music & Dance department and Joanne Sharp + Ms. Gayle Fekete of CSU Summer Arts for truly believing in my talent and providing me with a full-ride scholarship.
- #PusuanMoSiViceGandaSaAmerika - Never did I think in my journey of dance/movement that I'd ever have the opportunity to let alone meet but also be in the opening number with the one and only Vice Ganda. Im sure many of y'all are wondering who this person is; Vice is a famous comedian/actor in the Philippines. I am thankful for the opportunity to have performed with my sister, Kirby & Krystle Tamoria (we ended up calling ourselves #TheSiblingsDuo since they needed a name for our group.) Although there was so much stress leading up to the concert since we literally only had 3 days to learn + block the choreography they had sent us from the PI, it was such a fun & exhilarating experience. Being able to live in the moment while doing what you love having all of those lights shine on you and thousands of people watch you is something I will always remember.
- MY SENIOR CAPSTONE, "WITHOUT WAX" - I feel like in many ways this experience really took its toll on me as I had to give everything and all that I had into my final cumulative project for my B.F.A degree. This experience as perfectly imperfect had taught me many lessons such as really sticking to your conviction/voice no matter what anyone tries to tell you otherwise, being honest and believing in the people you are working with and mostly lettings thing simply be. Also I had the opportunity of being in the same co-hort with some of the most dopest artist I know in my graduating class; Zack King & Sarah McCann. We were all able to uplift and also challenge each other to produce a top-notch Senior show along with the amazing mentorship of our director Justin Morrison.
- CAMPUS MOVIE FEST 2017 - As a graduating senior last Fall semester, I had finally gathered the courage to do CMF (Campus Movie Festival). I had randomly seen the poster for it from the year before and was interested enough but didn't have the chance to do it. A year later, I saw the same poster again and finally decided to do since I am graduating. Although this was on top of my current Senior Capstone responsibilities, I had the time of my life spending about a good full week working with my team creating memorable experiences and friendships. Here is the link to our submission, "Flight" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7C-pfGEKqo
- DECIDING TO LEAVE MY JOB TO PURSUE MY DREAM - Back in February 2017, after much turmoil with the new management at my now, former job at Arco I made the decision to leave my job to fully pursue my dream of focusing on my craft and being a student full-time. As hard as it was for me, it was also very easy for me to do since I had simply felt that the time was up and that after being there for 15 months that if I don't leave now, I will become stuck and complacent there. As scary the decision was - to leave my job with no financial security had allowed me for the rest of the year to be as adventurous as it was.
- TACOMA, WA 2017 - This vacation was simply everything! I was able to stay with my dearest friends Marygian + Jeff Barnes for a whole month as I allowed for myself to some deep + real soul searching, get to know myself more outside of my life being at home, simply be with myself through all of the silence, stillness and uncertainties of life. By the end of my trip, I had planted my heart in Tacoma, WA as I was able to truly feel true joy & peace my heart in Tacoma, WA.
- "TAKING LEAPS OF FAITH" - Many moments during my final semester at SDSU, I found myself becoming depressed in facing the new chapter of my life as I am finally entering into the real world. One moment I can think of exactly is on Dec 18 (few days before officially graduating), I had gone to my newfound spot on the second floor of the Aztec Union where I finally allowed myself to surrender all of my inhibitions and accept things for as they are. After that, I decided to leave a job I had just barely begun training for (because it wasn't going to work financially in the long run), and also got hired at Vista Hills in the same day as a "Job Coach" with full benefits. This is a perfect example that things can/will fall into place when you finally allow to gather courage to let go and take that leap of faith
- MY 25TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION, "I.AM.CHANGING" #hopelessromanticXVI - Somehow, someway I was able to make this dream of having a huge 25th birthday celebration come true. Mainly due to my never having a debut at 21 years old. With all of the love and support from my family and friends, I was able to have an amazing night of celebration giving back all of the love I've received in my life. Shoutout to Sarali + my younger sister Mica for jumping on this crazy bandwagon of mine!
- "REALIZING I AM PERFECTLY IMPERFECT" - This was probably one of the hardest things this year brought to my life, that I am not perfect nor will never be perfect. But can and always find beauty and perfection in my imperfection. Allowing this ongoing practice in shifting my mindset has allowed many things to be revealed; although not always positive, I have grown to find hope in the hopelessness I have often felt. I am learning to begin to understand what it means to really love and embrace yourself as no one else can give you that except YOURSELF. I feel that this will be something I'll be continuing to travel into the new year and many times ahead to come. I promise, I will learn to love myself through all of the trials and tribulations.
- "STILLNESS + MINDFULNESS IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL" - Being the frenetic person that I am, I always find myself jumping from one thing/place to another and finding comfort in that. I have recently learned that I can find and discover more agency through stillness through mindfulness. I admit, this is something that is VERY hard for me as I feel that I am wired to be completely opposite, I am learning to find more beauty and appreciate in life as I give my permission to simply slow down, take my time, appreciate the moment of what it is and honor every single thing I absolutely do.
THANK YOU 2017 & HELLO 2018....
In many ways, I feel that 2018 is very much an extension to what I have built and cultivated from the previous year. This seems to be the first time I have not felt excited coming into the new year not because I am not happy but because I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself and continuing on the rebuilding myself that I have sought out to do. In this new chapter of my life, as I find myself afraid I am wanting to continue to yield into this with much love, humility, gratitude and grace. There are so many questions in my mind that I want to quickly find answers in but I know require time + patience. This new year also seems to be an invitation to what is called "The Great Unknown", knowing myself I crave for stability and control but I want to embrace this challenge with my all. Here are some bucketlist/goals/resolutions/desires/thoughts/already highlights I have into the new year:
- CONTINUE TO FIND AGENCY + COURAGE IN FACING THE GREAT UNKNOWN
- MUCH LOVE TO MY SPONTANEOUS TRIP TO SF!
- FINALLY TAKING CHARGE & CONTROL OF MY FINANCES
- ALLOWING MYSELF TO CONTINUE EMBRACING VULNERABILITY
- COMMIT MYSELF TO A HEALTHIER EATING HABITS + HOLISTIC PRACTICES
- CONTIUINING TO EMBRACING LETTING GO OF CONTROL
- SO MUCH GRATITUDE TO FINDING STABLE EMPLOYMENT WITH MY CURRENT WORK.
- REBUILDING MY SELF-CONFIDENCE THROUGH SELF LOVE + CARE.
***APR 29 EDIT: I thought this post was deleted but actually was in the draft queue that whole time. So even though better late than never, I'll be publishing this post! Infact, this post will kickstart my return to the blogging scene (as I have been doing this since 2005).***